Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Dearest Porter-1 Year Without You

My dearest sweet boy Porter, where do I even begin? We have been without you for 365 very long days, yet it's as though the year has flown by. I thought today would be an especially hard day without you here and to some extent it was, yet we planned so many things in your honor, to remember YOU, and so I actually felt like you were with us a lot throughout the day. I felt YOUR loving arms around us, remembering us too.
We started our morning out by visiting your grave and taking fresh flowers.  I don't know if you even like flowers but I know you love nature and so flowers it is.  Kali is going to make something out of fake stuff so you can always have something pretty on your headstone that the deer won't eat.

Miles had a good time crawling around your headstone and even wanted to attack your flowers, instead he found a pinwheel on the grave a few over and had fun with that for a little while.  Someday he will understand who Uncle Porter is and we will tell him stories about you and how much you love him.  You would be so proud of little Miles.  He is finally starting to walk and is truckin' all over the place.  You would have a blast with him.
Immediately after visiting your grave we went up to the mountain you hiked and went to visit the spot you fell to, and to see your special memorial rock.  We were so happy it was still there.  I'm so glad there are decent people in this world who wouldn't take your memorial rock and throw it off somewhere.  Daddy took a little hand shovel to fix it up a little bit.  He also added some grass that was growing a little ways off around your rock to help hold it in place through the rain, snow, and sleet.  

As we were hiking we were discussing the events of the day a year ago and talking about how me and daddy found you and the events leading up to it in greater detail.  It was very painful to talk about and many tears were flowing.  We all have our own memories and questions and thoughts about this day and I think talking about them helps the healing process, as painful as it is.
Of course your cute little nephew was with us and he just enjoyed being with everyone and playing in the dirt. He still has no clue what is going on but trust me, I will tell him all about you and he will know one day what a great young man you are.

After we finished hiking back down to the trail head we were standing in the parking lot talking and looked up the trail to see someone all alone coming down.   Somebody said "Isn't that Brian Farnworth?" We were so surprised to see one of your very best friends just finishing the hike as well.  He had gone all the way to the top of the cliff and sat up there thinking about you on this special day and had bypassed us so as to let us have our moments together.   We were so touched by this tender action that me and Kali cried again.  Brian knows firsthand what death of a loved one feels like with losing his own mother to cancer 4 years ago. 
Brian Farnworth

We then came home after an absolutely beautiful day outside and the weather being so delightful so as to be able to have this experience together.  I can't help but think that maybe you had a hand in helping that happen.  Did you pull some strings for us up there?

 We had plans to go out to lunch together as a family but the boys wanted to come home and shower and clean up, which turned out perfect because your friends, Will Petersen, Sarah Weisenberger, her sweet baby Atty, and Jessica came by to visit.
Will was another of your very best friends.  We haven't seen him since you passed away and we were so delighted to see him again.  You two used to play music together for hours, and even write funny songs.  Will always loved your instruments, which you were very particular about people touching, especially since you worked so hard to earn your own money to buy them.  I'm pretty sure you would have been honored to have Will holding your bass today.  There's probably fingerprints on it now and I'm sure you don't even mind. 

We watched some videos of you on the computer and showed Will, Sarah, and Jessica the song you wrote and sang as a demo for someone else to sing, yet it's our very favorite of anything you've written or played.  There were some tears and hugs and again we felt your presence.  I'm so glad your friends stopped by today to remember you and share their love with us.  

We then headed out to lunch together.  We went to Mimi's Cafe.  I'm not sure why we picked that place.  It probably wouldn't have been your number one choice but it seemed like a good pick for the day.     

We came home to find a sweet note from the RS President and a little Willow Tree statue.  Also some messages on the answer machine, and texts from dear friends letting us know they are thinking about you and our family today.  We then changed our clothes and headed out to American Fork to the Timpanogos Temple.  It was the crowning event to a special day already.  I love so much being in the temple with my family.    
On the way home Cooper and daddy wanted chocolate shakes so we swung by the drive-thru and got one for them.  I know you would have ordered a large one for yourself.

We came home to relax and unwind and realized we didn't want to leave certain flowers at the grave or the deer would have them gone by morning, so we headed back up there.  I was so astonished at the sight of your grave.  So many people love you Porter.  You thought you didn't have many friends yet so many of them continue to remember you and share feelings of you and how you have blessed their lives.  
When we got home Grandma and Grandpa came to visit.  They brought a big basket filled with all the makings for one of your favorite meals:  Pot roast, carrots, potatoes, and onions.  We will be having a special Sunday dinner tomorrow in your honor.  You certainly loved eating at Grandma's house and always loved the food she made you.  She always bragged that you were one of the very best grand kids at eating her food.

Two more surprise visitors came to the door, one being Elspeth Young who created the beautiful pastel of you when you passed away.  She brought a beautiful bird's nest with an egg she had painted and a simple note that said "remembering Porter, Love the Young Family"  It's sad to me that it takes the death of a loved one to get to know people better.  We feel blessed to know their family though now.  Then a while later a very sweet lady, Peggy Usher, whom I know from our old Stake showed up with a cake and some ice cream and a sweet note saying she was thinking of our family.  I am so humbled and grateful for so many people who continue to show their love.  I am reminded of the scripture that says "When ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren ye have done it unto Me."   

It's truly been a special day and I hope you got to be a part of every minute with us Porter.  I know you are busy up there but I hope you get time once in awhile to still be with us too.  We love you more than anything and look forward to our time together again♥♥♥♥


Unknown said...

What a beautiful way to remember your beautiful son. I can't think of a more perfect day. I'm sure he was with you and misses and loves you more then you can imagine.
You have been such a great strength and example to miss this past year. I pray you will continually be blessed with comfort and peace.

Brittany said...

its crazy to think its been a year already. doesn't seem like it at all. i was walking at the gateway yesterday and it just occured to me that, that this was the exact place me and cooper were when everything happened. it made me sad and think about everthing.
but it made me realize how such a strong family you have and i am so blessed to have met your family and especially porter. i am just grateful that i got to know porter for the short amount of time i did. he became my little buddy :)
i know he is with you throughout the day and he is there comforting his mom who he loves dearly.
its always nice to know that he will always be there with us.
love you porter!

Michele said...

Thank you for sharing your day with us. I spent yesterday thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. This past week seeing the photos of Porter especially the elementary ones made me realize even more how fast time flies and how important it is to make the most of everyday.

alpinekleins said...

What a great tribute to your celebration of Porters life, gathering the family and friends all around . . . the gravestone and the memorial rock are beautiful, they turned out so nice. Always thinking of you and your sweet Porter.


Cynthia said...

What a beautiful way to remember who he IS and what he means to all of you.

Doran & Jody said...

Sniff, sniff, gulp, gulp.
Love you, miss you!

tiki_lady said...

so touching and so much love in this post! I got teary when you had said his friend was at the mountain remembering him! How touching and I"m so glad that you and your family were surrounded by loving people who loved Porter! Boy, that Miles sure is getting to be a big boy!

Erin said...

What a special tribute and reminder of your sweet son, Porter. Thank you for sharing it with us too.

LyndiLou said...

What a beautiful way to spend your day. I think of you and your lovely family often. You are all amazing examples of strength and love. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for sharing yourself. Sorry I didn't say something early... but please know how much you mean to me. :) Lots of lots!

kate said...

I have so much missed keeping in touch with you. You are such a great example. I love your blog, half of a marathon, crazy. I loved this post, so hard to believe that it was a year ago. Thinking about you always.