Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You're Gonna Miss This

Driving in the car and thinking about Porter is oftentimes when those "waves" hit, those times when the grief hits so powerfully and suddenly that I almost have to pull over to see the road.  Today it happened as I was listening to a country station which is something I rarely do.  As I was listening to the words of this tender tune it reminded me of days long ago when my four young kids (born between 1986-1991) were so little and I thought the diaper changing, fighting, messes, potty training, etc. would never end.  Now that they are all grown and I think about those early mothering days it only seems like yesterday and those years really have gone by so fast.  This song made me yearn for those early years when the kids were so small and our family was complete.  If somebody would have told me then that I was going to miss it, I wouldn't have believed them.  The chorus of this song just hit to the core of my aching heart and I realized it's really true.  I miss it, I want it back, and I wish those days hadn't gone by so fast. 
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Trace Adkins

Occasionally I wonder if I would have known that Porter would have only been here on the earth for the short 18 years if I would have mothered him differently?  I'm sure I would have, but I couldn't have known he would pass away so young.  Would I have taken more time to really relax and enjoy each day to its fullest?  I can only cherish the memories I had with him and continue to make more precious memories with those around me still.  

I do miss this!

I love you Porter♥


LL said...

that is THE BEST family photo.
I love it!
I use to HATE hearing "enjoy this time in your life" when my kids were really little because I thought it was SO hard...how was I supposed to enjoy it.
But it's true, you miss it. I still have all four at home, and they're still young. But there is something about those early years. And maybe it's because it's so hard that we look back on it with such fond memories.
Love that song...

Jenny said...

Your family photo is wonderful.

I have moments when I look at my oldest and I think some about what you have voiced. If I had known that he was going to make the choices he has made would I have done things differently.

I love reading your blog it always gives me pause to think about the real things of life, Family.

Rachel said...

Yesterday in the car I had the same experience. Maybe its because thats where you are alone with your thoughts, and I'm still left doing this quite frequently. Luckily, after I get it all out of my system. I feel better.

Hope you do too.

Jillian said...

That song has a way of hitting me too... either because I'm not appreciating things like the girl in the song or because I do miss it already. Nice thing for those people I miss, it will be "but a small moment" before I get to see them again :)

CB said...

Susette I love that song - it hits me the same way - those young mothering years go by way too fast but we didn't realize it when they were upon us.
It's good to be able to cherish the memories.
I love the family picture - Silly makes some of the best memories of all!

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

I *LOVE* that family picture so much, what a great, happy, and thankfully ETERNAL family you have.

Heatherlyn said...

I remind myself every day how quickly it's going by and I do enjoy it and it still goes by too quickly. I know that if we could look back we'd smile a lot more and worry a lot less.

I love the family picture!!!

Kate said...

Well, that made me cry. I love the picture. What a cherished photo. I have been thinking how I wish my kids were all little again so much less heart ache and I thought it would be easy when they grew up a little.

Anonymous said...

i LOVE that song!!!and i love that picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tiki_lady said...

i understand, or can sympathize the what if's, if I had known! it makes living and knowing that much sweeter with the one's you love, in the here and now.

Mrs. O said...

What a fun, fun family picture. I love it!

LyndiLou said...

Now THOSE are the kids I remember!!! *:D* That song melts my heart as well. You are so sweet to share this with us. :)