Pebbles and the Geranium

Two reasons I love this photo.  The first being that Porter loved this cat more than anyone in the family.  He would hold her, kiss her, pet her, and treat her so kindly.  Recently, when I was away at girls camp in June, my husband turned Pebbles into an outside cat.  I was so sad when I arrived home and he gave me the news.  But after a couple of weeks of having her outside I realized it was very good thing.  I don't have to buy multi-packs of cat roller brushes, and our furniture isn't white anymore.

The second reason I love this photo is the geranium in the pot behind the cat was grown by Porter.  He nurtured it and raised it from a very tiny plant using hydroponics.  Porter worked a very part-time job for an elderly gentleman that loves experimenting with plants and seeds.  A couple of months ago, George, the man Porter worked for, was throwing out a lot of his experiments and I saw this plant in the garbage. (I work for George too, assembling science kits)  I knew Porter had been taking care of it and so I asked him if I could take it home and plant it.  George was more than thrilled to let me take it.  I was so happy after transplanting it and taking care of it, watching it flourish and thrive.  Porter would have been pleased too.

Porter's Scriptures

In needing some healing moments I went into Porter's room and looked through his things.  Porter had two sets of scriptures.  His nicer set he used at church and his paperback Book of Mormon he read from at night in his bed.  We put one set in his hands in his casket and the other is still setting in his room.  

Upon opening his scriptures a paper fell out and this is what it reads:

Elder Rex D.Pinegar, then a member of the Presidency of the Seventy, said:  "Over the years the prophets have taught that at least twice a day, morning and evening, we should find a private place, kneel down, and pour out our hearts to our Father in Heaven.  Then, throughout the day, we can do our best to keep a prayer in our hearts.  As we do, if our hearts are right, we will find that our prayers have increased power and focus, and we'll discover that we're in a better position to receive answers"

Elder Gene R. Cook, a member of the Seventy, said:  "The peace God speaks to our minds will let us know when decisions we have made are right, when our course is true.  It can come as personal inspiration and guidance to assist us in our daily life-in our homes, in our work.  It can provide us with courage and hope to meet the challenges of life.  The miracle of prayer, to me, is that in the private, quiet chambers of our minds and hearts, God both hears and answers prayers."

These quotes are powerful, and I felt a lot of peace in reading them.  What I appreciated even more was the fact that this piece of paper was important enough to Porter for him to have it inside his scriptures.

I love you Porter♥

He's Home

From a few posts ago I talked about Kali and the baby coming home. Well, they have been here a week and a half now and we are enjoying them so much. Wade, Kali's husband was the brave soul who drove all of their belongings across the country in a big Budget Rentals truck. He left from Boston last Saturday, late afternoon, and arrived here in Utah on Tuesday evening. That's some pretty quick driving.

You can now see what I will be spending a lot of my free time doing.  Enjoying this little guy and his family!

Your and You're

I consider myself a pretty easy going person. I don't get my feathers ruffled easily.  So why should I care so much about the use of this word?  I cringe every time I see it used incorrectly.  It's actually pretty simple to get straight.  If you can say "you are" in a sentence then you must use you're, not your.  The word your shows ownership and simply doesn't work for this sign, unless it read "Your smile is on camera".  That would have worked.  I saw this sign at a professional establishment and was surprised that even the company who was hired to make the sign couldn't get it right.  What is up with that?

Okay, my feathers are calm now.  Have a delightful day.

Odometer Reading

Porter and I shared a car for the last few months of his life, which was actually working out nicely, if you can believe, for an 18 year old boy and his mama. Porter would have liked seeing this odometer reading so I snapped a photo to always remember, and to document. Our family was actually driving home from our friends, the Weisenberger's, cabin when this happened. We were coming down the canyon and actually had to slow way down so we wouldn't miss it. Good thing Mark was driving and I had the camera. Also, good thing nobody was behind us on the road.

Porter's Temple Work

Art work by our good friend, Aaron Bristow

I absolutely love this piece he did and have a copy of it displayed in my home.

We are so excited to be able to get Porter's temple work done soon. We have gathered the necesssary items and will be attending a morning session at the Timpanogos Temple on Saturday July 31st.  Any family members or friends, who are current temple recommend holders, who would like to attend the session with us are more than welcome. (We haven't decided on the time yet) Porter loved people and knew how to make them feel comfortable and smile.  We would feel honored to have his loved ones around for this special occasion.

I'm sure Porter is thrilled and anxiously awaiting for us to gather together in his behalf and have this special, sacred ordinance performed for him.  I'm so happy that we don't have to wait a full year to get this done for him. 

Usually there is a waiting period after a person has died before their temple work can be performed, but Porter's situation was a special circumstance because he was already a worthy member preparing to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and would have been 19 in a few months.  We talked personally to the Temple Recorder and he told us that all we needed to bring to the temple with us is the Bishop's recommendation letter and a family pedigree chart, which we have in hand and are ready to go.
 

 I love you Porter♥

Porter in Sarah's Coat

I don't know a lot about this picture, but it makes me smile a lot. It shows his silliness to put on a girls coat and then let his photo be taken. I think it was at a Secondhand Serenade concert when they were here last at Thanksgiving Gardens.  Porter's friend, Sarah, sent it to us.  She went to concerts with Porter and he had a great time taking her and a friend of hers.  Sarah's mom, Karla, trusted Porter more than anyone to be with her daughter at concerts.   Porter wore contacts the majority of the time but occasionally would wear his glasses. I love that I have a picture with him wearing them.  He was wearing them when he fell off that cliff.  We still have his glasses so miraculously found and saved, by his daddy, at the bottom of the cliff still in tact and setting in the living room by his pastel picture.

I love you Porter♥

You're Gonna Miss This

Driving in the car and thinking about Porter is oftentimes when those "waves" hit, those times when the grief hits so powerfully and suddenly that I almost have to pull over to see the road.  Today it happened as I was listening to a country station which is something I rarely do.  As I was listening to the words of this tender tune it reminded me of days long ago when my four young kids (born between 1986-1991) were so little and I thought the diaper changing, fighting, messes, potty training, etc. would never end.  Now that they are all grown and I think about those early mothering days it only seems like yesterday and those years really have gone by so fast.  This song made me yearn for those early years when the kids were so small and our family was complete.  If somebody would have told me then that I was going to miss it, I wouldn't have believed them.  The chorus of this song just hit to the core of my aching heart and I realized it's really true.  I miss it, I want it back, and I wish those days hadn't gone by so fast. 

  

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

Trace Adkins

Occasionally I wonder if I would have known that Porter would have only been here on the earth for the short 18 years if I would have mothered him differently?  I'm sure I would have, but I couldn't have known he would pass away so young.  Would I have taken more time to really relax and enjoy each day to its fullest?  I can only cherish the memories I had with him and continue to make more precious memories with those around me still.  

I do miss this!

I love you Porter♥

Happy Anniversary

It was 2 years ago this day that my sweet daughter was becoming a wife to her sweetheart.  I just want to wish them a Happy Anniversary and let them know we love them dearly. 

Counting the days till you're here-9 :)

Grandma House

It's getting closer. The big arrival day of my grandson. I'm very excited for this to happen.  You see, Kali, Wade, and baby Miles are moving back to Utah if you haven't heard by now.  Wade has graduated from UMass with his Master's in Mental Health Therapy, and we are pretty proud of him.  So, this cute little family will be moving in with us until Wade finds work.  I personally hope they stay a long time.  This house is much too quiet and I need people around me, especially now. 

Kali doesn't have a highchair and so I just popped online to my favorite shopping site, ksl.com and found this cute little highchair for a major good bargain and brought it right on home. Here it sets just waiting to be filled by this cute little guy!

Porter's 18th Birthday

Porter was most happy with a guitar in his hands.

Porter's 18th Birthday was on September 13th last year and I just barely found these pictures.  What a warm and happy surprise for me!!  I was preparing to go to girl's camp a couple weeks ago and wanted to clean off my camera disk to be able to take lots of pictures in the mountains and remembered I had a spare disk in my dresser.  I put that into my camera and reviewed all my old pictures, and that's when I came upon these forgotten pictures.  Another priceless treasure!

I love you Porter♥ 

Punctuality

In the past few weeks I have been looking all throughout the computer in hopes of finding anything that Porter may have recorded or written etc.  I came across these neat quotes by Marvin J. Ashton and William Shakespeare, but it isn't necessarily something Porter typed and saved.  But it is something that I thought was very much needed in my life, so I printed it out and now have it hanging on my magnet board in the kitchen.  I just wanted to share with you now, and hope it will help if you have challenges with being on time.  I know I do occasionally and thinking about these quotes have helped me.

Punctuality Defined: showing respect for other people and their time. 

William Shakespeare said, "Better three hours too soon than a minute too late."

Marvin J. Ashton-"Being on time to appointments and meetings is a phase of self-discipline and an evidence of self-respect.  Punctuality is a courteous compliment the intelligent person pays to his associates.  Punctuality, or the lack thereof oftentimes is the only introduction one will ever have to new groups and friends.  Serenity and poise are not the companions of those who lack the courtesy and judgment to be on

time."

   

According to a nationwide survey of employers, the most important characteristic to the employer was punctuality.

Happy Sabbath!  I'm off to get ready for church so I may be on time :)

New Pictures

Kali, Cooper, Porter

My niece sent me a couple pictures she found in her stash of photos and thought I would like them.  Of course I would like them, they have Porter in them.  The first photo she told them to make funny faces and this is what they came up with.  I love how Porter's apparently funny face turned out to be a sweet, tender look to his sister.  The second photo Stacey told them to be nice and smile.   Thank you so much Stacey.  Like I said before, any new photo I receive with Porter in it is a treasure to me. 

Memorial Weekend

Our Memorial Weekend started a week early with Mark and I planting this tree in the front yard in honor of our son, Porter. I like this tree because it has a mountain feel about it, which is where Porter liked to be, and also where he was when he died. The plaque was a gift from the Bilbao family, dear friends of ours for many years.  I'm loving it displayed in the yard by the tree.

Sunday after church our family went up to the cemetery to put flowers on Porter's grave.

The boys may not like me posting about their little tiff but it just goes to show that even though they are mature young adults, they still feel the urge to poke and irritate.  I'll let you figure out who is bugging who, by touching the other one, when they didn't want to be touched. 

We had to get grandpa in between them to settle things down a bit.  Porter was probably thinking this is so typical of his older brothers.

Don't you love that sweet, red truck in the background?  My daddy restored that pretty thing and putters around town in it. 

My mother created the guitar wreath. She put little music note stickers and guitar stickers all over it.

We then headed home, changed our Sunday clothes, and headed up the canyon to hang out with the Weisenberger bunch. This sweet mom, Karla, invited us up to her family cabin and made us the most yummy hamburgers called wampus burgers. You may wonder what that is? Well, I will just tell you I've never had anything like it, and it was probably the most delightful hamburger I have ever eaten. Basically, it's two hamburger patties sealed together after you stuff all sorts of yummy things in between them, such as: grilled onion, mushrooms, cheese, bacon, anything your little heart desires. And then you throw them on the grill and hope everything stays inside. Karla also made homemade buns to put these burgers on.  We ate and visited and laughed.  This is Karla's beautiful daughter, Sarah, who was good friends with our son, Porter.

We sat by a campfire and visited some more.  It gave me a little heads up for what I will be experiencing next week as I venture off to girls camp.

  We played games inside the cabin and then came out a little later and made smores.  Have you ever tried a smore made with a peanut butter cup?   Pretty tasty.

Thank you so much Weisenbergers!  We had a blast!  Jordan even commented that it was nice to just get away and do something fun with the family all together.

Baby Miles and Great Grandma Fisher

Oops Kali dear, look what happens when you leave sweet little pictures on my computer.  I find them and post them.  This one was just too tender to not share.  Plus, I'm just so excited to have this little cutie back in Utah soon.

Porter's Profile Picture and Song

This photo makes me laugh. This is just one of Porter's many quirky and funny ways he made us smile around here.  He was such a goof!  To my recollection, he was trying to get a photo of himself for his myspace profile picture, and this was what he came up with. He later decided myspace was a waste of time and deleted his account. He had just gotten into facebook the last 6 months or so, which I'm so grateful he did! It's such a treasure to go to his wall and read the tender comments that people are still leaving for him.

Porter, I still hope you get to play music in heaven.  Daddy burned a cd of the song you wrote and recorded right before you passed away.  There are two versions of the same song on the cd. I have it in the car that you and I shared and it plays over and over whenever I am out and about. I will never tire of listening to these.  The first song is of you playing all the instrumental with your friend, Brett, singing.  The other is just you playing AND singing.  That one is my favorite because it's all YOU!  I love your voice and was so thrilled when Brett emailed us the recording of just you singing because you didn't sing much on your own.  It was like a gift from heaven!

Bad Weather 

written by Porter Fisher and Brett Mcneill

Where do I go from here 

I can't believe what I've done

 Taste of angry words seared onto my tongue

It's not your fault

Don't turn away my simple pain

I put crazy on me, but it's not my best color

And if you're waiting on me I hope you're dressed for bad weather

I wasted one chance that turned into ten

Now I face the consequence of living inside my head

I don't know where to turn

I feel lost without you

I'll always fear the burn playin' the fool

It's much too hard

I won't pretend it's not

The feeling's lost

I put crazy on me, but it's not my best color
And if you're waiting on me, I hope you're dressed for bad weather

I wasted one chance that turned into ten

Now I face the consequence of living inside my head

I love you Porter♥

Just Let Me Cry

Just Let Me Cry-Hilary Weeks

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We’re not just tossed by the wind
or left in the hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected
And we’re forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep
and I fight to keep my ground
Still, at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there’s nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when
and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling
And I know in time He’ll take the pain away

But for now
Just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when
and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy
The kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I’ll feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn’t going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when
and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

(Thank you Kimberly-you're an angel)

Sweet Interactions

These pictures were taken a couple years ago, yet in coming across them they made me smile. I'm all for anything that makes me smile lately.  I love to see the fun and sweetness in the interactions of these cute kids of mine.

I'm so grateful for children that really love each other and know how to show it ♥