Saturday, February 25, 2012

You May Think Twice Before You Run With Me

As I sit here contemplating my run today I'm filled with so many thoughts.  First of all, yesterday I had somebody tell me about a pretty neat trail along the mountain that was for hiking, running, and biking, called the Bonneville Shoreline.  I knew there was a trail there but I just didn't know where it ended or how to get down off the trail.  So when I learned more about it I was anxious to get up there and try it out for a run.  It's no secret that I have been wishing for over a year now that I had a running partner.  I know I have mentioned it a few times on the blog. Well....one of my good friends, Annaleesa, who used to run and whom I was hoping would someday start running again just signed up for the 2012 Ragnar through the company she works for.  That was super exciting news for me because now it means she has to start training, which also means I can go on runs with her at night when she gets home from work. (She also put my name down as an alternate-wahoo! I would love to run Ragnar!)  Well this morning we were texting and decided to head up to the hills and try this trail.  Ok, it was more my idea because I just really didn't want to run it alone for my first time.  I thought it would be a great idea also for Annaleesa because trail running is a lot better for your body than concrete or asphalt right?  WRONG! At least not in this situation.  We drove up to the parking lot and started our run and less than a mile into it Annaleesa rolled her foot and twisted her ankle!! Boo :(  No more running for Annaleesa today.  We headed back to the car and I took her home.  I felt so horrible.  We should have just stayed on flat ground for our first run together.  Wow, what a friend I am.  

I drove on home and made a pit stop and got a drink and than had Mark drive me back up to the parking lot.  I needed to still get my mileage in for the day and I still just wanted to know more about this trail so I told him I would explore the trail and then just run on home.  The one thing I did know for sure was that you could come off the trail on a road that goes right by the cemetery, which is an area I'm very familiar with.  So I headed out and enjoyed the sunshine but not the wind.  This was certainly one of the most windy days I have seen in a very long time. I was hoping that running right next to the mountain would have been less breezy but it wasn't. But I endured and kept running. When the cemetery was in view I headed down off the trail and went over to visit my boy.
Porter is always on my mind.  A day never goes by that he's not near my heart and thoughts, but especially more the past few days with the 2nd anniversary of his death coming in just a little over a week. I think about how busy he is, and how happy he must be. I still have my crying moments and my heart still aches for him to be back here with us. But the Lord's plan is not my plan, and I just look so forward to the day of being reunited with him.

I took a little jog around the cemetery and then headed on home.  I stopped at the mailbox to then open a small package from Intermountain Donor Specialists.  When Porter passed away we were able to have some of his tissues be used in the organ donation program and he was able to help a few people.  We receive quarterly newsletters called Heart to Heart with beautiful poetry and thoughts from others who have lost loved ones.  In the package I opened today was this beautiful medallion that could be used as a keepsake or placed on the grave.
The medal's designer, Kathryn Kochanowski described the inspiration and the meaning for the design as follows:
The Gift of Life Donor touches and gives new life to others.
The donor touches the hand of the recipient, and passes on the precious gift of life (the heart) and love (the rose).
This magnificent and honorable giving of oneself is illustrated in the rays extending from the heart. 

Enclosed was also a very tender letter stating their appreciation once again for Porter's priceless gift of donation.  It truly does warm my heart to know there are people out there benefiting from his desire to give.  So after reading this that came in the mail of course I was having a crying moment as Mark came down to the kitchen to ask how my run was.  Well, after completing 8.75 miles I would say it's been a pretty roller-coastery kind of day.

7 comments:

wendy said...

Oh how I loved reading this. On so many levels.
Great run...I admire your determination to run despite the Wind. The wind seems to DEFEAT me. I Hate it. And we get lots of it here where I live. Did I mention I Hate it.
I'd love to be a runner, but NOPE, never will be, I want to increase my "power walks" when weather allows. I am soooo tired of my exercise videos.

I cried a little looking at you alongside your son's gravestone. Gosh, so many memories. So Hard.
I think I may be weaker then you.
I am glad your son was an organ donor. That is a wonderful gift for someone else. A total believer.
The medallion is beautiful. I'd treasure it.

and yet, just tonight I got a call from my youngest boy, last child, that his wife was rushed to Emergency due to sever headaches and nausea, dizziness....after an MRI they found a Huge Mass in her brain.
Surgery tomorrow. She is only 26.
I am devastated, worried.
Life comes at as from many different angles it seems.

and running, walking, sometimes clears our heads, lets us cry outloud cause no one is listening. And lets go frustration.

Dixie Mom said...

Oh Wendy...I'm so sorry.

What a rollercoaster day for you Susette. I was thinking about how much I admire for accepting the Lord's plan as yours. I know you might not think you are but you are. You have fought valiantly. You are gaining perspective every day. I know Porter is proud of you.

Doran & Jody said...

You are AWESOME in so many ways!!!
I wish I could keep up.

Squish to you and tell Annalesa to hurry and get better. I know how much better it is to have a running partner.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

You are such a good mom and he was lucky to have you for the years he was in your life just as you were blessed to have him! Your posts are always inspiring! And good luck with the new calling---busy!!

Cynthia said...

I didn't know Porter but I think of you both often and I'm so proud of you for simply moving forward with the life you find yourself in- minus your precious son. His gift is such a treasure to so many. I am an organ donor as is my spouse.

The Bonneville Shoreline trail is awesome. I actually worked on that project up in my area years ago. They hope it will eventually be more than 100 miles long!

Kristin said...

Such a cute photo of you! Do you always look so cute for a run! I'm soooOoo impressed :D

Kristin

Momma Twitch said...

You're such an inspiration. :)